enjoy Dave Strider’s birthday with this track covering his entire introduction into Homestuck
2212 - 2257
What?? - MC Dave Strider
A really cool dude chillin’ but with little fame
I nod my head and I know you want to guess my name
Insufferable Prick, naw son, try again
Dave of Strider kin, now resume ‘n examine room
Bedroom filled with the usual and unorthodox
But I quickly retrieve arms from the cinderblocks
Naw. These arms aren’t about to rise
Instead I’ll get the damn beta and save my friend’s life
But that’s nonsensical and simple sounds fable
But I’ll bleat like a goat and piss on my turntable
I mean, I would never ever consider that.
Stupid idiot moves like pissing meteors in my habitat.
But I contemplate the bleating might be great
but this ironic humor should be savored for later a date
Examine the closest full of crap, wait, what’s that?
Just a blue box packed with that Ben Stiller cat.
Now take the box and capture it in my fetch modus
Now my eyes are set back on previous item I noticed
I’ll examine the jar of unknown yellow substance
Hell yes, it’s apple juice and fucking feeling like Christmas
I’ll let my bro John know that I unopened gold
He’ll be excited that he’s the first to be told
Capturelogue that good good and go pester John
Say happy birthday and see if my package came along
Like, I raked in loot and it’s for real no ruse.
Little Monsters? What? You insinuating piss in my juice?
Man, screw that lame Fred Savage, did you get the beta yet?
I got two copies yo, you better go check on that.
Now view the sites I’m surfing, Hephaestus browser on deck.
G Bro review on dash, my blog got notes to stack.
No April issue review but I won’t even stress
I click over to ironic comic sweet bro and hella jeff
Then I clicked a new tab, just sitting with the midnight crew.
Using the razor on plans and schemes is what I’ll do.
Try to carry out these plots, but then go and skip ahead.
Then save my place to read it later, no problem.
3000 pages? Yeah, I don’t got time for that shit.
Plus someone’s trying to hit me up, what is they’ll transmit?
Answer the chum, but all I see is pink text.
Oh great it’s you, what else could happen next?
I’m kinda busy yo, gotta a lot of shit on my plate.
I’m sort a big deal, can you articulate?
Seriously, I’m worshiped left and right.
Little shit kiss my shoe and scram, don’t maker recite.
Not kicking Oliver Twist in the fucking face is my gift.
And fuck’s sake you want me to play the game with this chat chit.
Look, go hit up Egbert, he’ll be tickled retarded for it.
Only when your life depends on this game will start it.
Now I’m tired of the computer and these pest handlers
So I’ll drop some sick nasties via my sound sampler
Beats so fresh they belong in the produce isle.
Soccer moms thumping that ripe shit, grooving, no idle.
So after a ill session I deserve a good swig.
But John’s got me thinking about Mandel’s gross monster piss.
Recapture that bottle, I can’t go through with it.
Then I capturelogue the sword but there seems to be a problem
It’s the same as the juice, now expelled on the games & turntable
I’ll just go get a towl or something and pass a radical puppet
Nod of approval. Bro is awesome and I know it.
Then I step in the bathroom, pay respects to one of Bro’s boys.
Log the damp towl, but wring it first so it won’t further destroy
The tables, but I cleaned ‘em and set the games to dry
And turn down of the fan so the games don’t get blown away
Now I get the feeling I should hit up Egbert and see.
How he’s doing with his sylladex and if he’s better then me.
But then a rambunctious crow is here andtaking the games suddenly
All I can do is yell stop at that feathery brainless asshole
Accidentally launch my ninja sword and into the birds chest
And sent him flying through my window and away from the nest
Dead bird and all, surprised it didn’t miss
But uhh yo, no one can ever know about this, okay?
I guess I can kiss all that stuff goodbye
I feel sorry for the bird, but not the beta, know why?
I never planned on using it and not even soon
Now to look forward to several hours of messing around in my room